Irony, it's a funny thing. Before we left the house my mum said will I being over my walking frame. DB said NO we have enough stuff of yours and Robs here, will all respect Betty, when we need our own, we will get our own. I know he was referring to the shower stool stuck in the back bathroom, it's hers, uts been here since my cousin Billy arrived last year for a supine bithday visit. But as she has no room in her house she decided in a fit of gerenroisty oh I'll give it to my daughter she'll need it one day, not for one moment thinking she is 86 and I'm 56 ... anyhoo, DB emphatically said no, I think a part of him lives in fear of when they say the time for the wheelchair has arrived.

So we arrive at SJOG Murdoch I'm hanging off of his back using my walking stick to the point of bending and I confess it's probably not the best of looks. So days pass and I won't bore you with the other than they have been filled with excruciating pain and very little joy. But, a walking frame seems to have made its way into my room, bought by one of the nurses, it seems to be a permanent fixture, I got old off or using the walking stick yesterday

And then today arrived, I've had many X-rays nuclear X-rays and all number of tests.

So my hips are (both) lit up like Christmas lights where the titanium bits all but what has been removed, (left behind for one reason or another) but due to various problems bits and pieces (thin shavings, 1/2 pedicle screws etc were left behind) So, not only do I have bone and arthritis problems, it seems I may have a touch of titanium blood poisonining thank you very much. No wonder I feel like death warmed up so much, no wonder I don't get good consistent blood results every time. So today I had to have an AWAKE nerve injection. They assured me it will be ok, they neglected to tell me I will have to lie on my stomach for over an hour ( I struggle with 15 minutes) so, in the end in tears, I consented. They must think so little of us older ones addled in pain, I thanked the lovelady who could see just how bad a state I was in while in the SKG room. She handed me tissues, she helped regulate my breathing, she held my hand and in general squeezed me when the pain was so bad I let out an involuntary low moan. In all the procedure (targeted injection under fleuro) took well over an hour, that's over an hour of me lying on my stomach awake. As you all know I struggle with 10-15 minutes. Normally I'm would have been be sedated. But today, for whatever reasons, school holidays probably, no one was available to knock me out. They gave me 10mg Valium, 40 minutes later they realised nope it's not working, I don't even look like I'm nodding off in anyway.

They huddle again and agree to give me alprazolam, my dreaded drug, how I dislike it. Anyway, it soothed me a little, but in no way knocked me out. I felt even the peircing injections including those that are supposed to provide numbness and then the large (super large) needle as it threaded itself into the bone, I felt it makes its way all the way in. So here I am back in my room. I'm quiet, I'm in shock I think. DB stayed for a while but he fell asleep and I said with this weather you're best to go home. He has apparently in the last two days moved all the furniture back into the house and a friend has been and helped him put the beds together. The windows and grooves have been cleaned. All that needs doing now is the screens replacing where the cats have destroyed them, but that's a different day / conversation, he's tried his best to put me back into the house so I have somewhere safe and warm to sleep. Isn't that nice of him.

I'm going to get the doctor who did the procedure today, I want her name so I can write her and thank her, I so think it is importnant those doctors who so often are forgotten due to sedation get some form of thank you and recognition.

I have also name of the doctor from last week at RPH I'm going to wait until I'm walking a little better and I'm going to take my X-ray results and asked her to read them. If she won't, I'm going to give them a copy of my letter addressed to her with a copy to her boss. I'm thinking of contacting the news as well. She deserves to be ashamed of herslf. I know they face drug addicts all day long, but we are not all drug addicts, some of us are genuine. I wonder if I had been so subdued by her and her treatment and taken taken her at face value how much damage today blood poisoning would have done, I wonder if I would be walking today.

To the lady of RPH - I bet you are sleeping well at night, I want you to know sleeping well is a luxury, and I hope for you there may be perhaps 25 years more luxurious sleeping (but for the grace of god) there may be you in 25 years time if you succumb to the young leading doctors of their time who promise the world; who seem to promise health and happiness. Notice I didn't say wealth. Wealth never factors into it, I just wanted a good life, able to come home from work and provide for my family. I didn't get that, I got instead broken promises, lies and more lies. Mostly from people just like you there, that familiar treatment with disdain.

I will well remember your face young lady. I hope your future family don't remember it as I do, the look of disdain and horror as you wished someone would just take me away from your space, and believe me I want invading it. I was too much in pain to step even remotely close to someone. I was embarrassing you with my tears of agony. You didn't want to know me, you were not remotely interested, I was an inconvenience. Poor poor you.