To fill it with Heavenly Father
I asked to let me see
Let me see
Holding on to a way of life I am not used to now
To hold on to Heavenly Father as I slowly slip in to abyss
Not a place I want to be
Here in this cruel world
There still are many who show compassion
As they did down at the beach
On that day for my grandchild so happy was she
To sit in the sand and build her castles
And a stranger to pick shells for us
All day long
To have fallen to me knees as I just could not make it out
My baby sister getting the car and bring it close
To remember each and every person that stopped to help as me and Eva waited
Bless each and everyone that came to my aid out of concern
To see that compassion still lives was so comforting
As evil tries to prevail
I won't let it rob me of my desire to know Heavenly Father
My baby girl standing on a pillow caressing my back
Father bless them with your touch
This my wish for them
I have a hole in my heart
Where I held it safe for no one to enter
Taken from me as a child
Teaching myself what to do with it
And here I am 56 wanting Heavenly Father to fill it with his love and promises
I love my babies
I do no like who they have become and I know why
Riddled with addiction
They come to me as a post to lean on
Cut me down when I suggest what I know to be the only way
GOD GRANT THEM THE SERENITY
TO ACCEPT THE THINGS THEY CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE OF TO CHANGE THE THINGS THEY CAN
AND FOR THEM TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE
I was all they knew
Now the most recent accusation from my very angry son who believes I held them from NOT having any contact with their father and the harsh cruel words never to be forgotten
All I told him
I cannot let him drag me down with the lies he spewed out of his mouth
Their father
With no resistance I hoped he would be the father to them
WAS awarded visitation rights
Never did I dispute it
In the divorce I clearly made it that he continued to be in their lives
As they were 2-1/2, 1-1/2 and 3months old
Never did I keep them from him
In fact I did not want any connection in as far as spousal support
I wanted nothing
I wanted that the children be awarded child support and insurance as he worked for the auto company General Motors able to have what was rightly theirs to have I got nothing as it was my wish
The judge granted the divorce
I had them ready to go with him on every Sunday 8:00 AM-8:00 PM
BUT THAT WAS NOT THE CASE
He never showed
Had them ready the following Sunday with no pickup
It was the last time he ever seen them
As he was obsessed with me he lost sight of his children
This is my belief
Never did I change my phone number I never hopped home to home as I had nothing to run from and I told my turdy son
If he wanted to see you all he needed to do was excerise his rights given as per divorce
And even if he believes this idea
Why did he never take me to court
No answer other than I am a *****
So no falling into his trap to blame or pick a fight with me
I am so sick of their selfish blind idea
How about a thought what it took to raise them to be happy best people they can be
To enjoy life as it's theirs to make
And to love the job they choose to work
Yet it's all my fault
The few who know me say
Stop beating myself up
I don't
I am sad they do not want to see the sacrifices I gave them
They owe me nothing
As it was not their fault
They did nothing however to not respect how far I went to protect and take care of them give them fun made them my priority means nothing
And that hurts
The I want
The selfishness exhibed makes me sick and shocked it turned out like it did in the end
I took life by the balls
They must do the same
And I got sick it's like they have joy watching me suffer
Sad I am
Let me have the strength to raise this beautiful loving child who loves me with her all unconditionally like my furry companion with Heavenly Father
Let me fill that hole in my heart with your promises Heavenly Father
Let me see you
Let me see
Amen
Me