So I've asked mum to bring over the walking frame. The facet joint injections already wearing off. I'm due back at work on Monday, the RGM told me 10 days ago he didn't want to see me again until I'm 100% fit. Well that's not going to happen. I sent a what I thought was a lovely thank you email / note to the staff who bought me home and cared for me while waiting for the ambulance along with thanking the staff who assisted me to leave the office that day. I sent it cc to the RGM, they are his staff after all, and I made a point off saying if I had known I was going to deteriorate so quickly through the day I world never have gone in. His reply of he did not to see me in the office again until I was 100% fit was cc to both the CEO & COO. I spoke to the RGM on Friday, I said I was coming in Monday, he asked if I was well and I replied I'm as well as I'm ever going to be and added, I'm no worse than when I was employed. I don't have a good feeling about my future in the company, so much is happening, we're cost saving where we can. As you know my colleague and I are waiting each day to be told our jobs are no longer required. I think this last hospital stint has done me no favours. Feeling sad and sore.

I got my new meds regime on a Wednesday, I was horrified, I could start a pharmacy, I'm on 2x temgesic sublingual every 6 hours, 10mg oxy & 10mg Valium every 4 hours and 1 x 20/10 Targin every 8 hours. I came home with 10 boxes of 10mg oxy, 2 boxes Targin, 1 box of Temgesic and a bottle of Valium. All that effort and angst I put into reducing my medication done for nought. The SCS s doing NOTHING for the L4/5 S1 Facet joints. I feel like I want it removed, I can't see the point in having it when it's not doing anything for me, my upper thoracic pain is still there - albeit we know it's referred but still, I can't have MRI scans, it's a palava in the hospital with it so maybe I'll be better off getting it removed and replaced with the new version that allows MRI's.

I'm so confused, concerned and overwhelmed.