You must let it go Eva, like you say. This life of constant duress by your children so distressing for you and little Eva. We are but a blink in the eyes of the narcissistic loved ones in our lives. They will notice when we are gone only because they will have no one to unload their crap on. But even that I'm afraid we'll be a selfish notice and a mere thought oh well I'll give some else the irits. We didn't sign on for this life, it is not gods plan. God is telling you and me, be strong, stand up for your rights, you've done it before and you can do it again, yes your hurting, physical and emotional, it's maybe our penance. But he is telling us dear Eva, enough is enough. I can hear him loud and strong. The pastor came to see me every day in hospital she bought me a felt heart made by a parishioner, it hasn't left my side other than when it's been washed. It's a sign I'm sure, the hearts been washed twice, it didn't fall apart, sure it change colour a little, faded just a touch, but it's a sign, life can and will go on, just to a different beat and with less colour.