We haven't had a letter or phone call from the surgery to attend, so it looks to be all is good with DB gut. Anxiety is causing him extreme pain, any subject which triggers strong emotions causes his gut to roil and the stomach acid then burns. Like me needing this upcoming surgery & the surgeons expressing they need to talk with us both before committing to the procedure - scary stuff. I tell DB we've been down this path before, it's ok. Or talk about his dad and how unwell he is. Anything stressful really sets his stomach off and I can visibly see the pain it causes him.

We went to the football yesterday I bought tickets and this time we were both able to go, the last 2 times we've had to give my ticket to one of his friends as I was in hospital. It was touch n go Thursday night with me in severe pain but I persevered with the new pain med regime and was able to walk. The distance from the rail station to the stadium is about 400 metres I selected venue pick up for the tickets, normally I would print at work. We were stood in the queue & DB made a comment he thought was funny, it cut me deeply. Something along the lines these people looking will be thinking what a good son I am taking my mother to the football. I just dead panned him and used my mantra worry less about what people think if you knew how little they think.

Excellent seats with great vision & we were in good company - surrounded by former players, parents of current players, current injured players along with presidents, CEO's, COO's and high profile people of both our team and the opposition. DB sat alongside the opposition President. We won but it was a game where the opposition came from behind kicking 6 goals straight to take the lead at 3/4 time. 4th quarter we came back and got a much needed win by 17 points. Whew, given the seats we had the close proximity to the sections own bar if he was going to drink, there would have been ample opportunity. He handled it well, took 1 Valium once he realised where we were seated. While I could smell nothing he says he could smell the alcohol. I suppose he can, I don't know.

What I do know today is it is exactly 2 years ago yesterday since his last falling down drunk end of a 4 day bender; which started in a football stadium on the east coast in seats and environment exactly as yesterday replicated. I had no idea when I got the tickets on line we would be in the exclusive zone. I've never seen tickets for that block available previously and had no clue in the stadium the proximity to the bar or the company we would be in. All I thought of was it's the closest entry gate to the walk from the station, it offers lift access from ground to 3rd floor, it's under cover (very wet cold and rainy weather predicted) and so I clicked yes purchase. I would again as well & DB also says yes if they ever come up again, because next time he will be better mentally prepared, it was good fun and I enjoyed myself immensely. Yes I was reminded of the days when we mixed freely with the "powers that be" the "movers and the shakers" & yes I held my own in conversation with the people seated around us. It felt good & I pushed myself to make an effort to immerse in the environment, engage and socialise because at the bottom of my stomach sat the cold lining of "I'm out with my mother". I have given up much in my life to support DB in his quest for sobriety, I don't socialise anymore, truth be told I don't miss it. But yesterday after that comment & then learning where we were seated I made sure to enjoy myself.

Did I drink, no way; I can say truthfully I have stayed the path, on the odd occasion I think it would be nice to have a drink, but yesterday it didn't cross my mind, not once.

And nor did DB drink, he did enjoy the game, he struggled to talk or engage with the people around him until the very end after JK kicked a cracker of a goal and he leapt to his feet & celebrated with double fist punches. His celebration was such that the president & a former WCE player tapped me on the arm, laughingly they said does DB know he's seated next to the Carlton president. I told DB and we both had a good laugh, DB said I didn't do anything wrong, I agreed, I said you showed passion for your team. At the sounding of the siren DB shook Carlton president hand & said I bet you wish you didn't make that trade 10 years ago. Our JK is now on top of the leader board for the Coleman medal again & he's missed 5 games this season through injury. If he wins again this year he will join an elite crowd, only 2 others have ever won the Coleman medal 3 years in the trot, last time was some 20 years ago. In today's game it's hard work, we're proud of our team, super proud of JK and delighted to say we know him and he's a true gentleman on and off the field. Anyway, I'm rambling to make a point. DB withstood the urge he drew on Wide0 the lizard brain and he made it. This was the first real true test for DB, yes he was tense, yes he was conscious of all that surrounded him and yes he was snippity on the way home and at home. But he did it. He's gone to work today with less than 5 hrs sleep, he was so wound up with the excitement of the win & the Homer Simpson thoughts but he survived it.

The next few days willl be testing. I will be my usual self, but mindful of triggers. I'm sure he can do it, he is stronger than he believes. 23 months, 29 days. I do believe in him, I do know how stressed and frightened he is of the coming weeks, previously he's had his good buddy booze to help him through the tough times when Pam's sick, like really at deaths door sick. It will be another first for him, but I believe in him, his strength & his commitment. I believe he can do this. After seeing him yesterday, I know without a doubt he can do this. It brings me comfort. This impending operation of mine allegedly September 2nd is going to be trying for us all. In days 729 since drunk, 591 since liquor passed his lips. I have to believe him and I do. Yesterday gave me faith in my belief.