Sorry to hear you are suffering SC, but this *is* the place to talk about it, more than any other. Don't forget that it will get better, and that you will learn how to manage it. It takes time, and sometimes lowering of expectations ("full recovery"), but it will get better.

PJ, funny you mention that. When I talk about rehab, I always talk about the alcohol. Even though I know that in the grand scheme of things - especially in my country - benzos are a much bigger problem. So... I was addicted to Xanax too (one of the most addictive benzos). Because I refused to drink in the morning (hey, you're not a real alcoholic if you don't drink before 4 PM, right!? ) and had access to it, I took one or 2 Xanax to fight the hangover and get started again. By the time they wore down I was drinking, so I ended up feeling great at the end of the day even though I felt like death in the morning.

So I had this down pat. I was the one who could rig the system. I only felt bad (nightmare bad) the first 30 minutes of the day until the Xanax kicked in. "I got this!"

Um... that went a bit haywire when I started truly withdrawing from alcohol in the morning, and from Xanax while I was drinking in the evenings. That.was.not.a.good.feeling. And I knew (thankfully) that combining them at the same time could be deadly.

The people who ran the rehab confirmed that benzos are a very underestimated problem, because a) they are given to about everyone who says they feel a bit tense and b) because they are addictive as hell.

I had done this for 10 years, so when I went to rehab, I not only broke with drinking, but also with a 10 year Xanax addiction. I don't know why, but I could clearly feel and understand the difference of the symptoms I had after getting sober. Most problems that were down to drinking were gone after 3 weeks, but my shaking hands/fingers lingered at least for 4 months.

Smart me had gotten addicted to 2 of the most deadly drugs, especially in combination, and when it comes to withdrawal. Yes, Xanax withdrawal can be deadly too. And you can probably imagine that my brain wasn't too happy being deprived of both - especially when I was in pain.

So yeah, I can relate to your addiction too, sadly. But I'm happy to say that the day count for alcohol is the same as that for Xanax - I never took another one or anything like it since June 13, 2012.

Learning to manage stress without both was not a walk in the park (...). But somehow I managed, and managing stress/avoiding panic played and plays a big role in managing the PN. Keeping the faith that it will get better, that you will manage, is very important. And that doesn't mean you can't vent about it - especially here; it's just something to keep in mind, it's the attitude of "I will get through this". And you will get through it as well SC.