As much as I try it just won't leave
I meditate and put myself into a position of prayer
Everything will be okay for I am to listen and live
Knowing it's all taken care of
And that no matter how I would love it all to be
That only my wish and my will but have to understand it was doesn't work that way
All I have to do is whisper his name
I cannot loose myself anymore
I am not going to be a doormat to anyone
It is something I want to empower myself with
Be strong enough to say enough
And not let anyone steal my thunder
Why do I do that
Why do I always give the benefit of the doubt to habitual lier
What is wrong with me
It be what I allow to happen it isn't anyone else's fault
Only mine
I am someone who was meant to teach
It is a natural gift I have
I am the go to person
My sister struggling with my only nephew who does not believe
No belief system
And this just came out
I had this conversation with her about how only one of my four children believe
And that be my granddaughters mother

My granddaughter in my care since a infant
She will start 1st grade gifted
And the routine we have before she gets to use ANY OF HER ELECTRONICS or even to watch TV
I ask her to pick any book she wants and we have a good selection of books to pick from
And like I began saying
The routine is she reads from a book and explain to me what it is she read
She understands to ask herself
Who
What
Where
When
How and
Why
To cover all the bases
I also found that when reading she gets it better in beat syllables
And it just flows
If she becomes a advid reader she will have a love of words
Estranged from my eldest who claiming to miss her mom
Is a real poet
Published and all
In tournaments for bragging rights but you get the picture
The love of words
A gift
And I'm trying and see she loves it
Depression hits me through my day
I look around and say
This is not what I want for myself
I want to travel
You know take a trip
Even just for a few days
Financial not capable
Having to live on a very low fixed income
Pay my obligations and left with zippo
Unable to even stuff envelopes
But I make it work
But for the grace of God and my knowledge since little

It's having this feeling pop in through my day
I want it to stop
This be my wish
Love
Me

Forgot to mention the book she chooses to read is her Bible