Hey everyone,

At the current moment I'd say I feel pretty okay. I'm just sitting and enjoying some tea on a quiet Sunday. This is very different from my last few nights which have continued to be rough. "Sheer terror" is definitely an apt description.

So yesterday morning I began becoming concerned with the excessive saliva issue. My parents (who have been patiently supporting me through this entire ordeal) said it was probably dry mouth from Zoloft that I was taking. But I knew that this was definitely not dry mouth, exactly the opposite.

I looked up other causes of excess saliva (besides the horrific obvious choice) and strep/sore throat caught my eye as a cause. I had been to the doctor on Monday and he noticed my throat was swollen and gave me antibiotics in case it was strep. But he never told me directly I was positive for strep. He sent out a culture, but I haven't heard anything back. So I've been taking the antibiotic kind of willy nilly (big mistake).

Another cause of excessive saliva is anxiety. Go figure.

So yesterday afternoon my throat starts hurting and I kept swallowing saliva. Eventually, in the evening it felt like I had swallowed enough saliva that it was coming back up to my mouth.

At that time, everything in my mind was saying "This is the END. You are dying". I then coughed a little, threw up a little, and then just sat in front of the toilet and spit until I could calm myself down.

My mom was there this entire time (I live with her currently). She kept telling me to repeat this: "I DO NOT HAVE RABIES!". We went and lied down together in the bed, she held my hands and kept telling me that my thoughts and feelings about rabies were not true. She kept telling me that I was a healthy, confident person with a long happy life ahead of me.

I was able to calm down after maybe 1-2 hours, then I went to sleep in my own bed.

I know that I am a 21 year old male and I'm supposed to be Mr. Tough and Independent, but I am so grateful to have someone like my mother to support me. Don't get me wrong, you guys definitely have helped me through a lot the past few days. But having someone who is physically there to stave away irrational and horrifying fears is invaluable.

Today was much better, however. I was able to go to the gym and do my full workout, I went to the organic market and bought some anti-anxiety tea, and now I'm getting ready to do so very neglected laundry.

I will continue to update you guys as I get through this. I WILL get through this! Everyone of us WILL get through this!