Many thanks Gerry and good for you getting out and getting something done. That is what is so devastating to me about this neuropathy. Everyone needs a feeling of accomplishment and purpose and that has been taken from me, albeit by my own hand. Most days it is all I can do to shower and do one simple household chore.
I think I will be moving in the near future and will need much help and I will likely need to hire someone to clean the place after I leave. This stuff is all unmanageable in my condition. I just feel like such a total load and I have many regrets. Maybe this context would be better served in a private message so not to jam up the board but I just got another dose of harsh reality. Someone just tried to pick me up in the produce aisle of my food store. I went from friendly to extremely annoyed when asked for my phone number. I curtly said "I don't date"! and abruptly walked or kinda stumbled away but it hurt me. That is just another loss, the reality that I am destined to be alone. No one wants to be a nurse maid and that is what I would need in a relationship. It would be completely one sided.
Going forward I have to believe in The Promises that life will get better in sobriety but so far the reality of my situation is sinking in. I see myself growing old without companionship, I will never be the grandparent, (should my kids ever have) that I want to be and I don't see myself being able to contribute to society in any meaningful way. Like I said in my earlier post, even my poor dog is too much of a commitment these days.
I am done with my pity party. I raise my glass of green ice tea, (had to put a dash of sugar in it) and say cheers to all and hope for better days ahead. What is done and done and all we can do is do the best we can and be all that we can be, but damn.... some days are harder than others.