Awww I'm sorry you are suffering with these frightening thoughts. They really can get the best of us and do our heads in. I do it too. It's just all of the unknowns isn't it. But looking at the positives.... You did say you were doing better mentally and feeling better ....
:-))
I was told to expect good and bad days and at 5 months I'm still dealing with some anxiety issues.... My thoughts can become very catastrophic and overwhelming and I have to redirect myself .... Think of the progress I've made etc. I've had to take citalopram to get my chemistry right and calm my body, nerves, anxiety, constant sobbing. It has been a horrible 5 months but doing much much better. I've had some perfectly normal days.

So it says " not everyone recovers". So it really should also say "but some do".
Let's put you in that group that does.
This too shall pass Danny. I will pray for you and a full recovery.