None of us should live our lives judged by others, each and every one of us on NT has suffered pain, angst, grief & trauma. I am sorry your mum passed away without you getting the apology. I can understand how much those words would have meant. I will never get one from my mother either. It would mean admitting she was wrong not to have done more.
I think your plan to mother yourself is a good one, be kind to yourself and tune out negative or toxic people. You have lived through much in your life by the sound of it and it is important to try to forgive yourself first. I say this, because we often think why did I do this or that, why didn't I do this or that. There is little to be gained from looking back and second guessing yourself. So be kind and gentle and know here on NT you can say what you want without judgement from me. I hope others will join with me in adding to that.
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Originally Posted by almondface
Hi PamelaJune,
Thank you for your sharing.
Yes, I think that our stories are similar in some ways...
About my mum whom I have strained relationships with, I don't think we ever got to resolve it during a face-to-face meeting. She has recently passed away due to illness actually. It has been a difficult time, so I am back here.
It has been a journey of recovery , ups and downs. My mum who passed away, never gave me a apology before she passed on. In fact, my grief now is not so much about losing a mother, but more of losing a parent who never gave me the due acknowledgement of the abuse and grief over a parent who didnt protect me when abuse happened.
There have been positive moments though. After she died, I had some thoughts of putting behind the pain and move on to my new life, allowing my mum to die along with the fact that she just didn't know how to doing parenting well. It was like a rebirth, like maybe if she couldn't parent well, then I will be the loving mother for myself. Still working on this now.
Continue with the replies, I am in need of positive encouragement and support now. Judgements from people, I am tuning it out. =)
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