I know that I definitely should get my sleeping checked. I'm not aware of any sleep disorders such as sleep apnea, but I've never gotten a sleep study. I'm sure that'll come at some time after the neuro-psych assessment. However, in my experience, I sleep very well most nights when on a stimulant. I fall asleep decently fast, stay asleep peacefully, and wake up motivated and ready to tackle on the day. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I've been off stimulants for a while now and my sleep issues have become much more apparent. Much more tired during the day as well.

You're absolutely right about people having the right to be jerks. It is their problem, and yes, it is my problem when I react like that. I absolutely WANT to react appropriately and be able to smile and walk away. I feel like the worst human being on Earth when I blurt out cruel things, react inappropriately, or have an outburst. I apologize afterward every time, even if it's their fault, because no matter if it's their fault, my reactions are not right.
The problem here is that it just happens. I realize that I need to learn control, but I've tried for 22 years and all I've managed to learn is to redirect violence towards others to myself. Yes, I hate to hurt people so much, I prefer hurting myself over that. I've tried and still do try so hard, to the maximum of my capabilities, to learn some fraction of control over my rage. It literally just... happens. I suppose there are opportunities for myself to identify before an outburst happens, but most of the time when I realize that I'm in the danger zone and tell people, they ignore that and push me into outburst mode.

I agree that I need to learn how to control my body actions and responses, and most of the time when I'm calm, I do respond in a reasonable way. There are times when I've been calm, but then still say something unfavorable or do something wrong. I admit, not being able to see my thoughts truly complicates that.

It is possible that there are environments that makes me more prone to outbursts, but I can't recall any of them. Visual distractions and stimuli definitely have the ability to quickly overwhelm me, but one thing I don't understand is how I am able to handle video games if "visual stimuli" can overwhelm me?

I've considered a text to speech app, and I do have one, but I've never tried it in an appointment before. I should, but I'm not sure how accurate it is due to it being a free app. I'm pretty sure there's a way, though.

I'm lucky that I'm able to articulate well through typing and writing. It's only because my mom pushed me to read a LOT as soon as I could hold a book up. Because I started well before the developmental standard, I flew through English class easily and always got an A. Math, on the other hand... Absolutely abysmal. I failed 7th-grade math but still moved on to 8th-grade math only to have to repeat it again. In 9th grade math, I had to repeat twice. I only repeated 10th-grade math once, but never got past the 11th-grade math level. I officially dropped out of high school in Grade 11. Never went back.

Executive functioning deficits are pretty much given for me, and there are several other categories that I probably have as well. Is it weird that I know what's right or wrong, which reactions would be appropriate for the situation, things like that, but yet still react wrongly as if I was on autopilot?

Thanks for reading.