Dear Dianne, I want to offer my sincere condolences on your recent loss. I can only imagine how difficult it has been since he passed and now with the funeral tomorrow, your pain and sorrow will be as fresh as the day it happened.

Your husband must have been a very special person if you felt even before his passing that you to would wish to go when he went. I can't speak for your husband, or your family, but I'm sure your husband will not want you to do something rash & act on your impulse.

While it may be too early to consider, there are groups who help you deal specifically with living a life alone once your significant other /spouse has passed on. My Aunts in Wales both lost their husbands in separate time frames many years ago in a small Welsh village but from it they learned woman across the world need help to adapt to significant changes. They began hosting cooking classes titled just for one at the local hall, it including from the oven, stove top or the microwave to fridge or freezer. It's the little things which can suddenly overwhelm you, by habit you will cook for 2, and it's quite hard to adapt to cooking for one, particularly as the shops package everything up for 2 or more.

For so long your identity, in some way, reflected your relationship with your dearly beloved. And now you will need to begin to adapt to living on your own, without him. You may find your identity will slowly shift and change. Don't try to do all this on your own, reach out to family and friends, or local church groups. Or us here on NT. I have found NT to be my life line saviour on many occasions, for many different reasons over the years. The beauty of NT is there is always someone somewhere on line, someone from anywhere in the world. And you can tell them things without fear of judgement.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow Dianne, your much loved husband, well he will be with you in your heart and in your mind.