This the doctor I have been with since I was 49
I am 56
Having had shoulder surgery himself
May he have felt under the weather
Asked
If I’m awakened at two because my knees feet all joints
Having a heartbeat of pain
And not able to return to sleep
Never ever have I gone to my meds and ever taken one more than prescribed
As time has gone by may I have slept when a dose was due and to close to my next intake I actually have reserve
So I asked
Should I take a breakthrough oxycodone or a Xanax
I too loath the feel of the withdrawal of Xanax
As I’m only in two 1mg twice a day and weaned myself of the third
There is no doubt I need the two tried to remove them all
No can do I truly need them
My anxiety affecting my heart
So he says as he is at the door walking me out I’m still in the chair
Says to me
Your strong
I said I need to return back to sleep
Having no sleep and waiting fir my morning dose is hours away and I begging feeling the withdrawal symptoms
Starting with a severe headache
He says not Xanax take a break through
That be 5mg of oxycodone rather a half
You don’t want to run out
I felt hurt
As I wanted to bring him all my bottles of toxic drugs that put my pain at a minamal
I have never ever abused them
In fact it is why I asked I wouldn’t put anything in my mouth without his consent
I felt horrible
How good you look Eva
My pain was at an 7/8
Told him if I could let myself cry of pain it would be in buckets
Also showed him pictures of my hands and feet that clearly shows something is going on
And tells me not in his field
I said I understand
But just to show you what is happening
And told him the doctor he sent me to for the second time told me your at the wrong doctor
Had zero to say
Hurt I felt
Pain I was feeling
I don’t want to hear how good I look
What the f does that mean
Am I to look disheveled
I don’t get it
Pumped my scripts out in a snap may have had 10 minutes at most
Left feeling wore

To my sister PamelaJune
It’s been so many years I have been to a salon for a hair cut
It is somthing I am blessed with the ability to cut hair
I began to cut my own with the aide of Corissa
She would follow my direction I would do the front
At one length a t ears length
My hair was short like Ellen DeGeneres (my spelling is off I’m sure)
Back in my waitress years having long hair
It hurt so badly by the end of my shift having to put it up cut it short
Many would call me Demi Moore like in the movie Ghost with the late Patrick Swazy (spelling again)
Point
Couldn’t put myself in the chair anymore
And when taking a leave from my municipal job with no pay I too had to cut corners
Having longer hair is a bother for me
I get frazzled when in my face or around my neck
But it is what it is
Up at 4:00 this morning
Couldn’t return back to sleep
My morning dose starts at 6:30 rather then 7:00 having to take care of Eva
I take my break through with half of my 1mg Xanax along with the other meds such as blood pressure muscle relaxer multi vitamin cholesterol then at 7:00 a.m. take my 60 mg of OxyContin and the other half of Xanax
Since having to go it alone I began taking a half hour earlier and the rest at 7:00
Hope you were able to follow that
As Eva eats her breakfast I take my meds with my morning coffee aware of the palpitations it could cause yet it be a help with the headache but it being warm help dissolve quicker
Then I read scripture to get me started in my day

So in the end felt like poop
And had to do so much before coming home
At one time it would have been a breeze

Next Wednesday I have my oncology appointment
Cannot wait to talk to him with the changes (hormonal) as I have spotted and have a discharge I never had before
Not normal for me
When I was taken off the tamoxifen by the oncologist it began
Did much homework on it
I hope he has answers
He too has seen pictures of the veins in hand and feet
Had extensive blood work
That’s when my mutation MTHFR DNA
dimer was okay indicating clots
That is the fear
Why much of the end of my writing never posted baffles me
I will be making an appointment with my pulmonary dr as he is also my general practitioner or primary care
One doctor at a time
Me