For the first time tradition I have made for my family out the window this year
Having it with my baby sister and Eva
She is making reservations to dine out for the Thanksgiving holiday
My son calls asks what are we doing for the holidays
I said to him
All I have done over the years is out the window
My youngest tells me u have to be at the table
Sure
But like the persons who go to mass on Sunday’s and forget the other six days
I told her why should I be subjected to pain of all kinds just to please everyone else
He asks if he could join me and my baby sis
Told him he would need to talk to her
He is different
Asking me to take care of me
Yet how does that make any sense to me as I have been open to the help I look for
To be estranged from my eldest on her
But it hurts
Oh how I would love for them to all be here
I have a huge dining room table
To hold us all comfortably
Not this year let me be miss if I even am
Let them feel what I do if they even think of me that way
So my boy wants to spend it with us
Sad I am that the family is spread all over the place
I pray healing is around the corner
And we can one day be together and not just for holidays
Eva needs her family and so do I as my baby sister does too
Depression a powerful emotional roller coaster
It’s killing me
My body so broken
Tomorrow I go to the oncologist
Let’s see what he has to say to the pics of hands and feet
Me