They are hoping it will just absorb itself? So long as it doesn't get infected I should be ok. I just wish it would go. They've increased my pain meds and have said they will put a plan in place to titrate me down safely so I don't have withdrawals & exacerbate the work done on my spine... terrifying much! I'm not getting anywhere near the help I need from DB, he caught the flu this week & couldn't go to work on Thursday, he's given it to me and I'm expected to just carry on. He made breakfast this morning & went back to bed, he's slept virtually 20 hrs a day since Tuesday, I had to make my own way to the General surgeon yesterday & while there I went to the Neurosurgeon office to make an appt to see him next week. His wife is his secretary, she looked at me & said what are you doing here, she seemed shocked I was up & about on my own. I told her I had just seen the GS. I'm to see the Neuro on Nivember 7th.

I've been wearing my soft back brace a lot, I got told in 2013 not to use it much because it prevents the muscles developing but sometimes it just feels like it's falling apart. I've got one chair in the house I can sit on, it's a recliner that stands me up & I struggle to get out of bed, the bed feels like it's to low to the ground, but it's higher than other beds. I use the walking frame where I can in the house & rely on grabbing it to pull myself out of bed.

I'm just tired and over it all. I knew it was going to be tough, & I knew DB would be difficult so I can't complain. I guess I'm just feeling fragile, vulnerable and alone. I asked him this morning did he want a divorce, he looked at me & I said well you just don't seem to care, it's like you've decided I'm home & you've completely disconnected. I know you know what I mean xx