Hi Dianne, time does pass so slowly in excruciating seconds / minutes when you're in mourning. My fiancé committed suicide many years ago, we hadn't forged a life so my pain was different to yours but I do remember how I felt and how people were uncomfortable to mention his name.

Yes it would be hard when everyone has gone home, your house and everything in it represents the life you had. I hope you can continue to talk about Jeff with your family & friends, keep his memory alive, treasure all the good times and the love you shared. From your opening words it clear yours was a life filled with love. Some people choose to plant a tree or plant, they tend to it and watch it grow, I'm not sure if that's you, but it's something I know people do?