Said it before, but it bears (bares?... damn, this is one I'll never learn no matter how long I'll try to master English) repeating: awesome work.

I'm on the other side of that spectrum but I fully understand what you are saying. My liver must have been fighting sooooo hard, as did the rest of my body, because I still functioned. I could pretend to be a normal human being, work, go out... the neuropathy started a full 2 years before I took the plunge. It was a big part of the decision, but in the end, not the "clincher". That's something that happens in the brain (or not ). It got so bad that it probably helped me stay sober, but enough about me.


Personally I'm not a religious person, but no matter how you call it, something happens, and it calls out your name... time to shape up or die. Like you, I believe I would have been dead now if I had drank for another year.

It's good to try them all, to give it time, to see if you see a pattern. It seems to be highly personal, our bodies all have different strengths and vulnerabilities. I also feel that the process of trying, of doing something in itself helps. Not giving up hope, try this, try that. For me, sugar is a big one, stress the other. Smoking, salt, coffee, was not. Best we can do is try to find out what helps us. And be patient. I'm not saying that as a cop-out: nerves take time to heal, some won't heal, pathways will adapt, our brain will get used to certain inputs (or lack of them...). It's not a cold, it's a complicated condition that affects many parts of our bodies (and mind...)

Sounds pretty good to me!

Confirms the above. But you'll still do that from time to time, am I right? . And pay the price, and that's OK. We need to live a little too, sometimes give our PN the finger for a bit.

In my case: no. Standing hurts most. Horizontal is OK, but sometimes induces cramps in my toes. Painful ones, my toe that completely bends into a wrong shape. Need to stand up for a minute, and it goes away.

I also sleep (in normal circumstances) like a baby. My PN has never ever kept me awake - apart from those cramps, usually when I have done hard labor in the day or days before. Like I don't use my toes correctly because I don't feel them, and the muscles don't get the correct guidance.

Make sure you mention this next time you go a doc. I know that it may be important, it may be connected to something else. When I had to fill out my questionnaire pre-op, there were quite a few questions that went "and what about when you lay down, do you feel xyz?" Could be totally unrelated, or a small piece of the puzzle.

If you stay sober? My guess is it will not get worse. It may even slowly heal a bit more. You will get older like the rest of us, but I personally don't think the PN part will get worse. Mrs. D. may be a better judge on this.

I have many. But I will not let them overwhelm me. I did stuff, paid a price. I'm still better off than so many others.

Give it time. I happen to have received an earful recently (richly deserved )... basically, even if we think we did OK, we didn't. I understand that now. I'm not very well versed in the Big Book stuff; try to make up, but leave alone if it hurts them more. Don't explain. Apologize. If he or she asks for more later on, you can talk about it, but never use it as an excuse. You hurt them, and you are sorry. Even if they never ever want to see you again, they will appreciate that you said sorry without expecting anything in return.

If you don't mind a personal anecdote: one day I wrote a message to a friend that was way way way over the line. It doesn't even matter that she kinda deserved it, but my reaction was totally over the top. I was hurt, I lashed out, and was rude as hell. Think of the worst swear words you know. Now double that. That was my message.

My best buddy, who also knows this person, knew what had happened. He didn't comment for a long while, but one day, he said: "dude: you need to apologize. I know why you were angry, I know your heart was in the right place. But you were a rude 4sshole". He said it very kindly, but he meant it. I had long left the online community where this happened, but I heard him. I logged back on, and wrote a totaly sincere apology. I wrote that I didn't expect her to forgive me. I wouldn't bother her further, but just wanted her to know I was sorry, genuinely sorry, that I was out of line. That there were no excuses for what I said. None. End off. No need to reply. Logged off, never talked about it again to my buddy (but he knew I had sent the message), never gone back there.

Two years later, this lady welcomed me back with open arms into that community. It brought me to tears, it made me feel very humble. We never talked about it again, and made jokes, just like we had done all those years before.

This second part may or may not happen to you. I certainly didn't expect it!

Way too many words again, sorry, I'm in babble mode. Still, I hope it somewhat answers your question.

Good point.

And your life will get better again. It may not seem that way now, but it will. You will find pride in what you are doing now: your darn hardest best to make it better. Do you realize how strong that makes you?

You are not "a cripple". You are way more, so much more, a human, with still a lot of opportunities to make something of your life. To do things you love to do, or find new ones. Yes, your body may not be 100% again. And that is rough and painful. But you are not defined by the things that aren't OK. You will find a way, just keep believing in yourself, be kind to yourself.

And never forget: we are here for you, this silly little place on that huge internet where we know what the other is saying or going through, as we can exchange many of the T-shirts.

Finally, I'm very happy. My procedure went beyond expectations. I babbled enough, so I'll keep this short: it's fixed, the staff were angels, the pain much less than expected.

Is it wrong to give flowers to a surgeon when you go back for routine control? I'll find out soon enough.