Venting a little...

So...I have to say...the hardest thing about having CRPS and a disability for me is asking for help. I really struggle with this because while my husband's family have been VERY supportive and helpful...bending over backwards to help me out even though it's a big inconvenience (and they never say that it is...I just know it is because they have jobs and families of their own to care for), MY family has not been very helpful. They SAY the right things but when it comes down to actually helping they just don't or make it sound like it's such a chore (when in reality my mom doesn't work, lives on her own, and is supposedly living near me instead of with my job specifically so she CAN help me).

I hate feeling helpless. I hate asking for help. I hate being made to feel like a burden (because i already feel that way and don't need other people adding to that fire). I hate that my family disappoints me time and time again with their lack of understanding or caring. I have reached a point where I would rather put myself through horrifying amounts of pain trying to care for my daughter than ask people to help who clearly do not want to based on their actions (not their words). I already live with a baseline of 8/10 pain...ANY activity puts me at a 9 and 10 is never far away.

I'm just so...tired...