Thanks. I feel the same way...it's why for the last 2 years my daughter has continued to go to daycare 40 hours a week even though I've been home. I just can't take care of her 24/7 on my own. But that still leaves one day a week at least where I need someone to help all day with her when my husband isn't home. Hopefully the days of needing this level of help are numbered...but if not I think I will look into paying someone to come and help that other one day a week. I have found that it's usually easiest for me to take my daughter somewhere that she can run around and play for several hours. Going out is tough...but once there if I can sit and rest for several hours while she plays that can be easier on me than just staying home. When my husband and I went out with her last week to a furniture store...my daughter spent an hour (no joke...one full hour) playing with the recliner that also goes up to help you get out easier. I almost said let's just buy that chair so she can play with it at home for hours at a time...lol...oh I am so desperate. But I am finding small things I can do with her to make it easier. Not easier than someone just helping...because that's really the only "easy" option...but slightly less painful at any rate.

We have adapted a lot to make things easier for me...that's one thing we've been good at. But there's no way to adapt a 3 year old...lol...and it's caring for her that is the hardest thing on me. I think back to when things were REALLY bad 6-7 years ago...and it was a cake walk compared to now mostly because I didn't have anyone else to care for besides myself. I could just sit and rest when I needed to...but with a little one you just can't. She needs more water, some milk, a snack, a meal, doesn't like the meal, wants another snack, wants to watch a movie, then another one, then there's the constant play with me play with me play with me, and the diaper changes...ugh. I love her so much...she is what keeps me going...but when you can't use your arms and it hurts to walk and be touched...it's just...so...hard.

And I know it's hard for everyone. You all get it...just feeling especially emotional right now after being made to feel...I don't know...like I'm lazy or something because I ask for help when asking for help is literally the hardest thing for me because Id rather suffer than ask for help...but have just reached that point where that's not a smart option because all it will take is one bump, one fall, etc and I could be out of commission and what happens if I am alone with my daughter when that happens? And it's happened...I've laid on the floor for 3+ hours crying and unable to move while my daughter sat on me, touched me, cried at me, etc and no one was there to help me...and that was so scary for me because what if she'd done something dangerous, or got hurt, or something else horrible. Scares me just thinking about it...so that's why I ask for help and why I will continue to ask for help...just maybe now from difference sources since I can't count on my mom and I really can't take the additional stress that her "help" is causing me lately.