Yeah, sorry about the edit. And thanks.

In the last 2 hours or so, for the first time in over 5 years, I have read the notes I made while I was in rehab. It is... so weird. How much you forget over the years, and how fast it comes back with just a few written words.

Things I had completely forgotten, like suffering from pneumonia for a good part of my stay there. Or how they searched my car and found a pill - which was a forbidden painkiller, but luckily, they saw the expiry date (it was in there from a holiday trip 6 years earlier, fell under the mat in the boot/trunk). Punishment would have been having to stay in without visits for 10 more days...

The rules, the people, the feels, the fear, it all came back like in a movie.

Frightening, confronting, I don't have the words to describe how much effect just reading those scribbles had. I'm shaking a bit.

I now wonder if I shouldn't keep a diary as a rule. You forget so much - bad things especially it seems - when you don't write them down. Just a few key words is enough to paint the picture.

(but to be fair, there are some words with exclamation marks that give me no clue what so ever. )

Many notes about the neuropathy too, about other stuff that went wrong with my body. Oh, and my dad officially died from pneumonia when he was in treatment for his alcoholism, so, you can imagine how that effected me at the time. I had completely blanked that out of my current memory. But I was literally scared to death.

All the people who started with me, the ones that didn't make it, the coming and going of new people. I kept notes on everyone, on when they either relapsed or disappeared (or died).

What a trip... I'm glad I waited this long to go over them.