I am nothing, I am no one. All I have done to be supportive, even putting my own health and safety has been shown to be for nought. Where I tried to be strong, to put my head down and carry on has been misinterpreted for strength. My tears as you know were never ending, DB not once offered an ounce of compassion or care, I struggled through getting off antidepressants on my own. I struggled through the addiction and subsequent withdrawals from Xanax on my own. I battled through my dependence on oxynorm to reduce them for the problems they gave my bowel so instead of getting bowel obstructions I lived with the crippling pain and I still got up and tried my hardest to live a life, I tried hard to support the man who I once called my rock. But I can see clearly now, he’s never been anything other than a constant drain on me, using me as his crutch to get by. Blaming me for all that is wrong in his life.

The latest, he never wanted to come here to Aus, quite shocked he was when I reminded him I told him not to come, stunned when I reminded him I was going regardless. In all my times of need he has been absent.

He threw in my face the failed IVF, I said you never even spoke to me of it and he said you told me “I killed the twins - well I googled it and that’s not true” I said no, I told you the nurses told me they were twin foetus, I was 13 weeks and I lost them, I went to hospital on my own, I said you may as well have contributed to the loss of them because you clearly showed me you didn’t care - I stayed in hospital overnight for two nights, you never came, I had to lie to them on discharge and say you were in the car park. I caught a taxi home on my own. I cried in the arms of your bosses wife. You never held me or comforted me. You never spoke to me about it. The only time you did was when I said to you I’m not sure I can go through this again, I went on my own to see our GP, you didn’t want to come, she told me the first time we got it for free under her funding allowance but she said she wouldn’t pay for it again. You said not one word about doing it again other than well we can’t afford it. So I never pursued it, and in those days you were all about reminding me I only had somewhere to live because your job provided the roof over our head.

Fast forward many years of lies, deceit and alcohol, you have slept with the young girl I tried to help, who I now know lied and deceived us both, but she saw my life and she wanted it. Even changing her hair to how mine was when we married 25 yrs ago.

I am nothing and no one, I can’t tell my family the whole truth other than to say please remove and block her. Now they are all laughing at me behind my back, sharing messages saying I’ve got egg on my face because they could see she was deceitful and lying and I couldn’t. I told my sister how can you all engage in such things about me, patting yourselves on the back and saying well done to you for seeing what she was. I have a valid excuse for not seeing, I was seriously ill, I was on morphine 3 to 4 times a day from July 12th, I needed someone to look after my pets so we could go away (none of you offered) she did & she seemed ok with them, I was on even more morphine and with Valium added when I returned and she spun the story of being homeless and nowhere to go so I allowed her to stay here out of a sense of decency because I didn’t want what was presented as a young traumatised girl on the street with no job. How was I to know she already had planned on stealing my life, my everything.

As for my husband, I have repeatedly since the beginning of October given him the chance to come clean, he may have only engaged in sex with her from November 11th, but he was clearly thinking about it. I gave him the chance to be honest before it happened, I asked him to go to marriage counseling but he refused.

I am nothing and no one now. I’m just a foolish woman who tried to help her husband. The reason we met her in the first instance was because I had to get painters in to tidy the house up. And now according to my family I have egg on my face because I invited her into our life. Do they think I don’t know that. But to laugh at me behind my back, make fun of me when I’m at my lowest ebb. I’m sick, I’m in pain, I’ve been betrayed and made a fool of by my husband who I foolishly trusted.

I am nothing, I am no one. I wish I was dead. I nearly died twice in hospital in the last 3 months. Why would god bring me back to face this duress, have I been so wrong to offer unconditional support, no questions, just concern.

I am truly no one just someone who everyone, my family included has used and abused, betrayed and laughed at. I can’t see the point in living when I can see I have no one. Those I loved, it’s been a one way street. Just me loving them, they just take take and more take.