I saw a psychologist today, we are due to have our counselling session tomorrow. The counsellor asked us both to do a list of what we wanted to cover off. I had 4 points written - DB said he never does those things, it doesn’t come out how he wants to say it...

I read my 4 questions to my Psych today. She said to me, I’ve listened to all you’ve done for this man for the last 25 years, I’ve listened to how he has been absent in enormous periods of your life. So I suggest you ask just this one question.

Why on earth would I want to stay with a man who has behaved and treated me in this way.

She tells me I deserve more. He has not held up his end of the bargain in sickness and in health and it’s a blessing he’s going. Yes it’s going to hurt, but down the track you will look back on this as the moment the light bulb came on.

If he makes big changes within 6-12 months we’ll maybe it’s workable, but the way it is. No.

I’m seeing her again on Friday. I don’t know why he wants to go tomorrow unless it is to have a professional present to tell me how terrible I’ve been, someone in his corner who has listened to his moans off the last 2 years.