My sister stayed last night and is cleaning this morning for me. It is highly evident Miss BO didn’t clean in the time she was here.

My sister told me a story db once told her ex husband, It was not long after the failed IVF in the 1990’s. He told Jack when I’m in my 40’s I will leave Pam. She can’t have children and in my 40’s I’ll still be able to.

So, I guess this fits with everything, in 2012 which is the timeline in which I’ve noted he changed. My niece gave birth to her 3rd son, db was round there all the time, my sister was away and my niece relied heavily on me and db. DB formed a very strong bond with the baby M. In late 2012/early 2013 my sister returned from the UK and my niece dropped us like hot cakes, she had her mother running her here there and everywhere and the baby no longer with db. I recall how bitter he was, and I said it’s understandable it’s her mum, we were not used and we’ve not been dropped, there is nothing preventing you from still seeing M. But no, he became very bitter and twisted over it. I vividly recall a drunken outburst from him in 2013 when he went on about his he’d missed the opportunity to have children.

And I remember on our anniversary this year he made a comment about not having had children. I also remember him asking in a very intimate moment “do you love me” in such a voice I cried. Miss BO spent a lot of time with db during the painting of the house in July and August while I was in hospital.

October 15 this year db went to my nieces birthday party with A (I was in hospital) M said to db I don’t know who you are. DB was upset, that we went to her house the following week and I took photos of db and M as a baby to show M (now 5). Of course by this time miss BO was constantly saying how much she wanted a baby.

So suddenly out of the blue in November db brings up the failed IVF, he hasn’t spoken of it for 20 years, wasn’t there for the d&c or my discharge from hospital, he never spoke of it ever other than to say we can’t afford the IVF and he wouldn’t adopt.

Miss BO asked me constantly in October about my IVF and why I didn’t have children, and how much it affected db, she watched me cry every time she asked me about it. Little did I know she was hatching her plan to have babies with db.

So it makes sense to me on so many levels and the messages she made sure I saw about him wanting to have a family with her. Cruel and twisted she is, very cruel and manipulative. Gosh she just reeled him in like a blowfish on lard. Come in sucker. And that’s what she continues to use on him, word around town is she is actively trying to have a baby. I did say she will be pregnant by Xmas.

I watched a tv show last night mummy dead and dearest. Dee Dee Blanchard. I think miss BO is definitely on target to replicate those actions. Attention seeking on all levels.

I feel as though I’ve been peeled back to the core of my soul. It is the one thing he wanted and I couldn’t do. It’s the one thing she found out and used to her every effort to seduce him. He had such high morals and values, he would never have strayed, he’s had the opportunity many times and never been that type of man. I know this. But this, well it all makes so much sense now. I was his go to person, he used to talk highly of me all the time. Following my discharge from hospital in August and before the surgery he was distant. I guess miss BO had already set her plans in action. Hence the reason for the phone call to me on Monday 27th August and this plaintive I have no where to live...why oh why was I such a decent and trusting person, why couldn’t I have been unkind and distant. What a fool I have made of myself all these years.