Christmas Day been and gone, he visited gave me my gift, played with the pets, took the older dogs for a walk, and spoke again of wanting to try to move forward with counselling. Wants us to buy a new house and start afresh. I listened offering few words. He showed me houses on the internet, has already been looking. My Xmas card “to my wife” made reference to hope we can work things out, mine on the other hand, “to my friend”, hope you find what you wanted in 2018. My gift to him, small but a reminder of his roots and all that he once valued.

I said to him, shave your beard and post a clean shaven photo on FB. You re-grew your beard because she wanted you to (she wanted him to look like her father but he doesn’t get that) and the photo you have is of you with beard and the night of your award. His response was I’m not shaving my beard for anyone.

I replied if you want to take steps to repairing our marriage shaving your beard is a very small step, it can be re-grown within a month, our 25 year marriage cannot be repaired in that time. But it’s a step you need to take. And I won’t entertain anything you say until I see evidence you are prepared to offer more than words. Forgive me when I think for your words are meaningless.

I reminded him again when he left, shave your beard and I’ll consider counselling. He has expressed his remorse but right now it means nothing. I still care for him and I do wonder if we will sort things out, but if he can’t go through with a small “test” then I don’t need to wonder at all.