Well I’ve made a decision to do something I’ve never done before, or considered before. With my constant pain companion and these last months emotional trauma, not limited to just db, surgery and complications included, I’ve asked my mum to accompany me to a cosmetic practice for a consult on dermal fillers for the bag under my right eye in particular. It’s so much more noticeable than the one on the left and maybe ask about the big wrinkle indent in between my eyebrows.

I’ve never done anything electively and I’m not going for a surgical procedure where they knock me out, I just want to consider the possibility of something that will boost my confidence and dermal fillers seem to be an option. If I look better, I will feel better. I look tired and drained and I don’t feel professional in my job anymore. I feel the injured staff looking at me and thinking how can I get better with her help, she looks worse than I do...

And I’m going to go to the dentist and enquire about braces to bring my teeth back into alignment so the gap between my 2 front teeth stops getting bigger. I have a problem with my jaw, since my late teens and can’t open my mouth wide and with all my back and gynea problems I just hoped it would go away. My mum spent a fortune on her children’s teeth, me included and I had braces at the age of 12. Big silver shiny things, but now they are clear & barely noticeable. I have top health cover atm & now is probably the time to get my teeth done while I can still afford the top cover. I might be eligible for a Medicare rebate as well because of my jaw.

Whew, I’m glad I have written it down, that’s a step towards me looking after me. I won’t be spending $25k like db did, but I think it’s an important step for me to think about me. The cosmetic I may not be brave enough to do, but it doesn’t hurt to enquire.