With all that has happened in this past year alone
I wonder
Will it every pass
Having had a long
It seem forever that I live with some form of monster
That lives inside
I cannot find a way to explain
This horrible horrible gut eating monster
Robbing me of any goodness I seek
Holding on is all I can do
As I pray for this to pass
I have been in therapy most my life
Never getting any good solid escape from this monster
I will not entertain antidepressants as I have gone through a slew of them that just made things so much worse
Not another pill thank you
Just having to up my pressure meds upsets me
I can not control my own pressure
The overwhelming doom that live inside of me is draining
Every single morning I cry
Cry it all out
I meditate and empower myself into a better mind set
But to get there is work
Hard work
To not let anybody steal any happiness I may have
I do not like this feeling
It is horrible
And not to rid of it for such a long time is draining
To stir in my sleep as I wake
I feel I in my gut
It manifests itself physically
Who in heavens name wants to feel what I do
It crippling it I pray just be the weather
I do not do well anymore in the cold
And I am not financially stable to make a move
I just want to jump in my car and just drive
Drive and never stop
And I can’t even do that if I wanted
My family can see it has taken its toll
I have a wish
Only one
Wish
To wake happy
The tears I cry in my sleep so evident
My hair stuck to my face
For my little Eva ask me
Are you okay mimma
I tell her yes why
She tells me
You face looks sad
I don’t want you to be sad
Of course I fib and tell her otherwise
This horrible monster doesn’t only rob from me
But robs from my loved ones
Dear Heavenly Father
Come to me
Hold me so tight In this horrible time
You know all
You know my mind
You know my heart
You know my spirit
Help me in this terrible time
Rip from me this monster that has a hold on me
Let me live
Let me laugh
Let me feel you in my being
Rip from me the thoughts that cripple me
They are real
As my body rots into nothing and will be gone one day
Allow me some calm
Allow me the laugh
Allow my family to get the best of me
Rip this monster from me I ask in your name
Amen