thanks martha, for even noticing i was gone. i hope your mom's situation has improved since our last PM. even a little bit of forward movement counts in a situation like this. i feel for her, for you and your family. i hope that you are taking care of yourself, and that if the decision was ultimately made to move her to a different hospital that it is one much much closer to your home. all that driving can't be good for you.

and to everyone who posted asking after me, thank you so much. i don't know what i was thinking, scheduling a wydase BP block the same week my kid had to have her liver biopsied. last week was the worst in recent memory. and that block, for some reason, has sent me into flaresville (they know me there, too well!). i'm like a +85 on a scale of 1 - 10. so of course dr. jordan is out of town. of course!--

just sooooo tired of doing this alone. it kind of cracks me up when TOS'ers come on here complaining about their home health care workers, or their husbands, or their LTD or comp benefits, even. cuz some of us've got absofriggin'lutely nothin'! we're forced to go it alone, and when these flares hit, man it can just bring you to your kneez i'll tell you. no one to hear your screamz though. so i guess that's a plus [?].

kinda reminds me of certain people at the various studios i worked at over the years (seems like a lifetime ago now), usually acquisitions execs or marketing types (shelley--) who would byatch and moan loudly every year about having to go to cannes for the annual film festival...

i finally figured out it was just their way of letting us know that they got to go to the south of france, while we were stuck back in the office in LA-- . worse, we then got to clean up all the deals they friggin' messed up by pouring too much fine french wine down their obtuse gullets on company time.

don't mind me, kidz, i'm in a mood. worried about chelsea. in a horrible holding pattern here. really on the fence about having more TOS surgery when she's facing chemical intervention. but if this keeps up i don't see how i can be much good to her in any event.

it sucks being me right now. don't i do self-pity good though? with just the right twist of irony. that mean sarcastic streak, you can just feel it wanting to come out - can you tell i'm holding back? oy...i am in so much pain i don't know if i want to commit suicide or homicide; and i'm a libra so this is a problem! can't make a decision to save my life (nor, apparently, anyone else's)...

listen! you people fell down on the job, i want you to know. let poor bookworm have her surgery last weds. without a single goddamned one of you wishing her well. i don't know what to think about that. but i sure as hell feel like pointing it out.

pain makes us selfish. and it does nothing for the disposition, does it. not that i was ever a bundle of sweetness and light, mind you...

i'm sorry if i'm being too direct tonight, this morning, whatever the heck it is; i've been up for a few days now. it is the pain talking.

i need to buy another freezer. one is not enough. i wonder if i should just climb in there? maybe that would be the more efficient approach...one big GIANT ice pack

hope you guys are ALL doing better than i. even the ones i don't particularly care for. hahahaha you probably know who you are, too. i ain't that subtle!!!

grouchypants aka alison