Mari,
It is all about choices for me.
And making substitutions.
Substitute one activity for the next.
This is where I get bogged down.
Tonight It will be a whole foods night, in the bar playing trivia. Before I have not drank when going there but that is not any fun. If AF I will get a lot of food to eat so as to be doing something there. I don't really play because I am horrible at trivia but it is something to do.
Being on a diet is not any fun either but I try still down 13 pounds.
Drinking fattening beers is not on my diet.
When I drink, I am not supposed to drive.
Before when I was AF...I was able to go to the gym in the evening.
I substituted drinking hot tea this past 2 months over the holidays when at christmas parties etc....in Indiana. I felt like I was hypo thou.
In theory I could start a new hobby.
But instead I post on even more forums and spend hours on the internet.
I have neglected certain aspects of my job for 9 months now. No one is to hold me accountable for doing that kind of paper work, so I don't do it.
That would take up a lot of time and is completely not fun, and I don't want to do it so I don't.
It is charting and creating new charts on the new clients that I see.
I am so far behind, it is daunting.
Now I do a little paper work daily then billing twice a month which takes me a few hours.

For lent I think that I will rejoin planet fitness($10.90 a month) and go after dinner in the evenings, when I would normally be on the computer. Would get home to watch jerry seinfeld with jeff at 9:30.

Being AF, I get better sleep. I am able to stay on my diet and not make bad food choices and don't have to worry about a DUI, or ruining my life.

There is shame involved in my drinking, like I am bad, weak, a moral failure, a lesser human being if I drink.
My therapist doesn't know that I started drinking again.
The last interaction we had was she texted me how proud she is of me...
sigh
I will probably lie to her or let her think that I am AF when I have not been.
I don't want to let her down. It felt good to hear her say she was proud of me....
sigh
My house always needs cleaning...I could do that but I am lazy.
It is more fun to be on the computer...than anything else.
I need to find joy in other activities. I have said for years now that I need to get a life.
Yesterday I had a cancellation so I thought I would stop and have a couple of beers and be ok to drive home.
I could not think of something that I could do or wanted to do to fill up that free time. So I thought about it while driving...and came up with " I have been needing new glasses for years" So I stopped at the store and got my eyes examined and picked out new frames. I am getting 2 pairs. Getting regular/expensive ones for everyday and cheap ones for the computer.
I did not get home until 6;30 so we ate late.
But it gave me something else to do besides drinking so that was good.
I spent $515 dollars on 2 pairs (including the eye exam)so that was not too too bad. I would have spent hundreds more if I had gone to lens crafters.
Sorry for the long post.
Thank you for reading.
Taking each day as it comes.
AF last night=a win.
sigh
must it always be a win/ lose situation....
bizi