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Grand Magnate
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
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Grand Magnate
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: new jersey
Posts: 3,523
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Can not explain what it is
Is it having been alone all my life
I have no life to speak of
All around me goes on without a what seems with no problem
I dont know why it is as hard as it is being as I am
It is not a way for anyone to live
To say my hands hurt
Nobody can see what I feel in them
This I push through every day
And because I do it doesnt register anymore
I just want to say hello
Can you hear me
Can you help me please
If you know why do I have to ask
Where is the Love
What happened to the angels
Where are you guys
I need you all
How do I tell my child that lives inside me
Eva
Everything will be okay
Just dont worry
God will help
I dont have to worry anymore
because of my depression I dont know what to say
How it feels not to have that get up and go attitude
My body just wont let me
The days are getting further in between
To wake and feel good
To not feel pain while in whatever sleep mode Im in
My words speak what I am physically feeling
There isnt a place I can say doesnt hurt
How my hands much more than my feet got to where they are blows me away
What happened to my hands
All that matters for a simple life taken
I try
God knows I try
But Im so blue down sad hurt lonely broken
My desires for my happiness is not coming to me
I am to be happy in the love of Heavenly Father
Let not my will be done
But yours
I try
And I fall short when I feel like this
Thanking you everyday at the end of the day
May I feel happy
Moving my arm just out of nowhere it hurt so bad putting on my jacket
My left arm now hurts
I asked my child who isnt wasnt doing anything
Sleeping after having a good night sleep
To please pick up my granddaughter
So I could sleep I was so tired
She refused
Refused
Against my request over a friends house
Slept over
*ull***t
You dont sleep over at soon to be twenty
Still no job
Got her into school
Dont want to disturb that
Can you hear how I live with this child
I shouldnt have to
Whats wrong with me
And to raise another no fault of her own
How she is so innocent in this all
Where are they to take her out
Nobody around
What happened to the woman who birthed me
Forgotten my birthday for years now
It doesnt feel good
My sisters turn to me asking please dont leave us
Your all we have
This from my two sisters
Oh what a life it turned out to be
Never ever did I imagine it like this
Never
But it is
A dying family getting smaller and smaller
I dont see anymore grandchildren
Maybe my nephew
It drives me nuts I cannot jump out of bed and go
I cant decipher if its nerve bone
As my knees are hurting but then it runs up my inner thigh and the entire leg has a heartbeat pain no pain pain no pain pain no pain like I can feel where it starts and it travel
Im angry as hell right now
Angry Im not happy
Have you ever heard of someone happy with pain
And who wants to be around that
A interesting situation has come my way
Someone has taken a liking to me
Texting me everyday how he hopes to see me as he works in the building
Point
Its like a head game at times
Im not not with it
Just confused
So after yesterdays morning message again hope to see me
I just let it go
He can write all he wants
Its not that difficult in over a week
Nope
Ill be just fine with the morning texts
And go back to me
Me
__________________
someone who cares
eva
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