Is it having been alone all my life
I have no life to speak of
All around me goes on without a what seems with no problem
I don’t know why it is as hard as it is being as I am
It is not a way for anyone to live
To say my hands hurt
Nobody can see what I feel in them
This I push through every day
And because I do it doesn’t register anymore
I just want to say hello
Can you hear me
Can you help me please
If you know why do I have to ask
Where is the Love
What happened to the angels
Where are you guys
I need you all
How do I tell my child that lives inside me
Eva
Everything will be okay
Just don’t worry
God will help
I don’t have to worry anymore
because of my depression I don’t know what to say
How it feels not to have that get up and go attitude
My body just won’t let me
The days are getting further in between
To wake and feel good
To not feel pain while in whatever sleep mode I’m in
My words speak what I am physically feeling
There isn’t a place I can say doesn’t hurt
How my hands much more than my feet got to where they are blows me away
What happened to my hands
All that matters for a simple life taken
I try
God knows I try
But I’m so blue down sad hurt lonely broken
My desires for my happiness is not coming to me
I am to be happy in the love of Heavenly Father
Let not my will be done
But yours
I try
And I fall short when I feel like this
Thanking you everyday at the end of the day
May I feel happy
Moving my arm just out of nowhere it hurt so bad putting on my jacket
My left arm now hurts
I asked my child who isn’t wasn’t doing anything
Sleeping after having a good night sleep
To please pick up my granddaughter
So I could sleep I was so tired
She refused
Refused
Against my request over a friends house
Slept over
*ull***t
You don’t sleep over at soon to be twenty
Still no job
Got her into school
Don’t want to disturb that
Can you hear how I live with this child
I shouldn’t have to
What’s wrong with me
And to raise another no fault of her own
How she is so innocent in this all
Where are they to take her out
Nobody around
What happened to the woman who birthed me
Forgotten my birthday for years now
It doesn’t feel good
My sisters turn to me asking please don’t leave us
Your all we have
This from my two sisters
Oh what a life it turned out to be
Never ever did I imagine it like this
Never
But it is
A dying family getting smaller and smaller
I don’t see anymore grandchildren
Maybe my nephew
It drives me nuts I cannot jump out of bed and go
I can’t decipher if it’s nerve bone
As my knees are hurting but then it runs up my inner thigh and the entire leg has a heartbeat pain no pain pain no pain pain no pain like I can feel where it starts and it travel
I’m angry as hell right now
Angry I’m not happy
Have you ever heard of someone happy with pain
And who wants to be around that

A interesting situation has come my way
Someone has taken a liking to me
Texting me everyday how he hopes to see me as he works in the building
Point
It’s like a head game at times
I’m not not with it
Just confused
So after yesterday’s morning message again hope to see me
I just let it go
He can write all he wants
It’s not that difficult in over a week
Nope
I’ll be just fine with the morning texts
And go back to me
Me