Kurtis,

My point is coming from knowing a fair number of both men and women who have had TBIs and strokes from my TBI support group. We discuss these issues. Relationships are a struggle for many. Having an understanding friend or significant person is important for the injured party. But, some remain a bit protective in some parts of their life. Struggles with intimacy is not uncommon. Libido is a common issue.

Statistically, relationships with TBI survivors are a challenge. Anybody that suggest they are not different from a normal romantic relationship has limited understanding.

I understood the time line of her TBI before you met her.

Has she ever had a Neuro Psychological Assessment? That is a valuable assessment.

Regarding work-arounds, studies show that those who can master using a smart phone to help with memory and calendars and such needs get great benefit from their smart phone.

The request to 'hold her hand' at the doctor could be the ice breaker you are looking for. Some with TBI have odd touch sensitivities. In my opinion, if she is open to physical contact, offer and let her respond. Offering a hand or a hug lets her keep control. Some have compared some with TBI to having some interpersonal and physical issues similar to Asperger's. It does not sound like she has such reservations.

I think a person with a TBI can be an excellent partner. The self-awareness of personal limits and being tolerant of others because they know struggle can be the basis for a lasting relationship. Being tolerant of her ups and downs as the price of admission can help you with realistic expectations.

By fix her, my point was about the likely permanence and even slow deterioration of her condition is to be expected and not fought against. Studies show that those who accept their limitations and invent a life that accommodates those limitations do the best. It sounds like she has already been successful at this. Those who do not accept their condition tend to live a life of stress and anxiety that takes a toll on those around them. When those around them expect them to work at getting better, the same stresses arise.

I know too many people who have told me I could do much better if I would just try. I've recently decided that the next time I hear this, I will explain that my neuro has never seen a patient with such severe dysfunctions who can function at such a high level. It is frustrating to deal with those who claim neuroplasticity means I can get better.

Oddly, when we just get on with life, there are ah ha moments where we suddenly realize we have regained a function we thought we had lost. It may be we learned a new way to accomplish that task.

I wish you the both the best.