4:30 this morning
Hey chest fluttering till I woke
Has I left
Absolutely not
My pressure 210/146
Took my pressure meds asap a half of a1mg Xanax
A bit calmer
It is over me like a blanket
Trying to control my thoughts
As this I know is situational
The stress level over the wall
A doctor must listen
Having a feeling it be what takes me out
Calm I must be
Calm I want to be
There is nobody to take my place and tend to this child who deserves so much more than I have to offer
What I mean by that
To give her the air to breath
Ride her bike
I told her this summer I would teach her how to fish
As I did as a little girl
There isn’t anybody who take me seriously
All because I get up and do till I drop
There Is No Help
None
If anything the phone rings off the hook
Sleep deprived I am
Physically broken
Mentally distraught
And I pray Father comes to me and holds me tightly
Keep me alive as I fall
This is not a way to live
I want to laugh
Die happy
Laughing
What is that
It’s been so long
You know I wear a mask for her
And she see right through me
See sees my eyes
She knows her mimma
Why can’t the others see
All I hear is mom sit down your Face ID all red
Why not where I want to be your actions affect me
It be the reason my pressure is up
No help and I ask for so little
The things that I know what helps
Why can’t they see what she sees
Why
Why do I concern myself when I get Nothing in return
It’s my own fault
The way this mom is wired
I wasn’t like this before I got sick then to have my cancer take my feel good natural hormone
It was shut down asking my child to help me as I am not computer smart to venture into what I believe to be a way out
NOTHING
this includes my dictors
I feel it should be mandatory for doctors confer with each other if there is mor than one they go to
This be the real way to help a patient
But NO
Heaven forbid that be a practice
To much work
So tired of fight my body
Trying to keep it going
It is so much work
And nobody’s listening
Along with my family even when they can visually see it happen
Me