Doesn’t take away the pain
In fact it hurts more to do so
How horrible my grandchild has no desire to speak with her mother or her horrific being of who we call the father
My child stuck on him
Not on the promises Heavenly Father gives
It hurts the worry that she will off herself
There isn’t a time that I can remember I haven’t had the fear
Someone is going to succeed
Not giving true submission a chance
When will they see this
I taught them all
I am their example
A hood one
Why can’t they see this


It ISNT EASY
Just because I manage to make it through the day
However hard it be
It seems I make it look easy to them
To have my children say
I’m not as strong as you mom
What are they taking about
I’m not strong I just do do the right thing
Terrible things happen
That’s just it

I went to my dermatologist yesterday
Brought my file on my medical history
Her nam Esther
Took a look at me and said Eva you look so much better the last time I seen you
Then looks at my history
Say there is a lot of stuff going on
I wonder to myself
How am I suppose to look
I don’t understand
I wear a shirt I have that is 35 years old
A pair of jeans
Sanders that have a strap on the heal as I cannot wear flip flops any more
Take a shower wash my hair put on some lipstick and I’m done
How am I suppose to show my insides
Is the outside suppose to match
Until I can keep my body looking it’s best I will do so
What does that mean

If I let myself go to match what I’m going through
I would have crumbled a long time ago

My grandchild my daughter the two who live with me
Need me as it gets harder
Not easier
Harder
She is seven
Had her since a infant
The time just running on bye

All I’m doing is just doing
Praying every morning
Heavenly Father give me the strength to push through this day with you holding my hand and never let me go
In God I trust
In Jesus I believe
Amen