You concerns so appreciated
I haven’t had a chance to collect myself
My child has taken flight with someone she met on social media
It has always been a strain
I have a difficult time with all that is happening
It is not my nature to become dependent as I have pushed so much down it now is eating away at my body
To have lost the ability to do all that I did to have lost the ability to work at 49 still haunts me
Eva is the only person left for me to raise
For the harder times are ahead
And there is fear that my last child took flight as she did
As a mother who made them first on all my decisions I failed myself
Putting myself last was the only mistake
I now pay the price
I am baffled how easily one can not care
Having to deal with all this pain both physically and more importantly mentally
I try my hardest to hand it over 100% but the Moyer in me takes back.1%
And it doesn’t work that way
I must hand it completely over
To have just been diagnosed with Raynaud and to learn number one cause be stress and two weeks later be laid up in the hospital and be diagnosed with atrial fibrillation is just like dying slowly
I have but this lifetime hoping to get it right
And I’m saddened by my own
I’m so sorry I didn’t let myself be loved for fear my children would be hurt in some way
And here I am
57 with a beautiful body that is so badly broken
My spirit to follow
My mind tells me what I gotta do but my body can’t follow
Depression is stress like pancakes on a plate smothered in sweet syrup only to make it taste good
But a killer
Silent it is
And I don’t even like pancakes
Whatever happened to me I wonder
How did I let myself into this mess
I’m fighting for my life to take care of a child who’s parents are not doing well
So here I lay praying that I get through another day with the Lords help and be careful and kinder to myself
As it is what it is
You concern so appreciated
Be kind to you
Me