Hello Mark. Thank you for responding. I had to take a break from typing/computer. I was trying to respond earlier, but composed a message twice and lost it.

For the past year and a half I have been seeking out ways to cope/heal/deal with brain injury. On my own I do brain games, memory games/tricks, practice reading, and try to stimulate/but not too much my brain. I read about other brain injured people and try to see what has helped them.

I get a monthly disability check from the VA, but it's not much. I've been close to homeless many times since brain injury. After the military I went to PA (physician assistant) school and graduated. I got back to back brain injuries after school. One in a horrible car accident, then fell and hit head on cement.

My symptoms are that I feel constant pressure in head/hungover like feeling. My short term/working memory is horrible. I cannot even track my own thoughts, they disappear on me constantly. It makes me feel like I am going crazy. I have problems with people's names/names of things.

My brain will not work and I start to get sick if I am trying to think with background noise or too many people in the conversation. Reading can make me feel like my brain is swimming, same with computer use. I just cannot follow if something is even a little complicated. I feel like I cannot see the big picture. I have problems with directions. There are other things, but I cannot explain.

I've been to different medical facilities. UPMC - Mickey Collins, Dr Cantu in Boston, Neuropsych testing, vision and vestibular therapy where I live in Utah.

I'm sure this sounds crazy, but I just wanted to try everything. I figured I would spend whatever little money/effort I had to see what was out there, but have been mostly disappointed.

Dr Cantu offered an exercise program for a study they were doing, but I would have to pay to stay in Boston for 6 weeks. I have been able to exercise on my own for quite a while. He offered no other therapy, because he said it would interfere with the exercise/lactic acid build up study.

Mickey Collins may be able to help with vestibular/vision, but his therapy/treatment is too simplistic for anything else.

These are my opinions/experience. I can go into more if anyone wants to know.

There is a new program at University of CO in Aurora. It is the Marcus Brain Institute. They work with veterans and civilians too. I have been in contact with them.

I think mostly through all of this I have found what I already knew. I know what is different/not working well in my brain, better than anyone. A lot of the medical world is horrible in dealing with brain injury. Another brain injury friend told me "you know your brain better than anyone, you know what to work on". He has had his for 8 years.

I still feel suicidal a lot though.

I am mostly wanting to work on cognitive therapies/work arounds. I also feel like if I could tolerate a little more noise/visual stimulation I could feel more like I am not in prison with my brain and be able to participate more in life. I am hoping to focus on these.

Driving does not bother me anymore and I don't feel like I am in a dream like I did the first few months after brain injury.

I have totally lost my identity.

Sorry if this is too long. Much respect for those of you going through this and hanging on.