BJ

I agree with Moose about allowing yourself to go through the pain. It's called mourning, and unfortunately it's a part of life we all have to experience - well, most of us.

It tore me apart to lose my life-long best friend. She was the only person I trusted. It tore me apart to lose my father. He was the only man I trusted (til I met Ray).

I allowed myself to cry and moan over my loss. When my best friend died, my ex-husband gave me the opportunity to get angry, yell and scream too. He came over to "console" me, but really only wanted a little action for himself and told me to stop crying because "I'd get over it." My neighbor used to tease me saying she thought his name was "Get the F outta my house!!" My ex is now claiming credit, saying he knew all along it would be good for me to get out my frustration and anger over losing my best friend.

When my father died, my husband was supportive - even cried with me. He also allowed me to resolve my issues with my deceased mother. I would sometimes get overwhelmed with grief (or anger) over their loss - something would trigger their memory, and it would cause painful emotions. I'd go to the cemetery or other special place (like your garden) and talk with them - or cry.

Over time, their memory no longer caused pain. Instead, I allowed the good times we had together - or even bad times we got through together - to enter my mind. Their memory would bring a smile to my face - being grateful I was allowed to share a bit of my life with them and carry the memory forever.

When you're in pain, go back to a time when your mother was there to ease your pain. Allow yourself to feel that comfort again because the love she gave you never died.