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Wisest Elder Ever
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Deep South
Posts: 21,576
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Wisest Elder Ever
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Deep South
Posts: 21,576
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Tired....Exhausted But Not MS Fatigue
Have you ever just been tired? Not MS Fatigue tired but just weary tired?
Tired of getting your hopes up that something might "be the thing" that will help you only to have it just be nothing special. Tired of getting up to the same challenges every single day and nothing seems to get any better no matter how hard you try.....or pray.....or exercise......or well anything.
I'm not depressed....at least I don't think I am. Not suicidal.....Lord, no. I just am SO tired of people telling me "maybe if you try this" or "maybe if you stopped doing that". Like their ten seconds of critiquing my life will come up with the magic bullet to make it all better. I know they're just trying to help but please.....stop trying to help and just be my friend. Believe me, I have tried everything and then some so chances of you coming up with something I haven't tried are slim. But thanks anyway. There's no "nice" way to tell folks that their suggestions have been tried. Been there done that. Even when you do they want you to try again. Don't give up!! They become your own private cheering squad. 
Then there are the ones who look at you with those pitiful glances and just say "I'm sorry" all the time. I know they mean well but after the hundredth "I'm sorry" it gets to be a bit much.
I guess I just want people to treat me like they used to but I suppose that's not even possible because I'm not even the same person i used to be.
I really didn't intend this to be so deep. I guess I just want the old me back. I spend hours of my day just daydreaming of how it used to be. Is that healthy??? I don't know but all I do know is that "me" isn't coming back. I look at my walker and wheelchair sitting in my room and wonder who those are for. Then it hits me.....they're for ME! No! I don't want them! Makes me mad that I need them. Makes me mad that I cannot get on the floor (voluntarily) and play with my grand children. Makes me mad that I cannot do my own laundry. I'd love to have a houseful of chores to do.
Makes me mad that 20 minutes from now I'll be the one telling myself that I should be thankful for what I DO have. And I AM thankful......there's just little breaks of anger that interrupt my thankfulness. Does any of this make any sense at all?
Sometimes I just wish others could read my mind and act accordingly. How's that for an unrealistic wish? 
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Last edited by Kitty; 04-14-2019 at 02:11 AM.
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