It is funny that you mention gardening. I LOVE my garden, and it doesn't seem to aggrivate my TOS - I stay away from it during the bad days, though. I can't mow the lawn, but I can dig small holes with a trowel, plant, and pull weeds. As long as I don't have to hold my arms up. It is very rewarding and peaceful. I feel like I have accomplished something!

I have not begun the SSI process yet. I have heard the judges in TX are brutal and flat out abusive sometimes. I guess that I have been in denial as well. I kept thinking that I would start to be "normal" after a while. I am starting to see that is probably not going to happen. It seems that even small tasks bring on flare ups that last 2 or 3 weeks. I never know WHAT is going to bring it on! I just know I can't go back to living in the CONSTANT pain. I feel like I can handle it as long as I know it will pass, or at least not be as intense. When I was working, the intense pain was there 24/7. Looking back, I really don't know how I made it so long.

I have considered some type of volunteer work, something that will get me away from my own problems and focus on helping someone else. We can get by fairly well on one income - the bills are paid, anyway, not much extra. It is just really frightening to be to be so dependent on someone else!