It might sound crazy but I believe that suffering is a gift from God because it drives you to try to move closer to him. One of the Rabbis who visited me said that Jewish teaching says suffering is God's gift. Last night had another fight with Stella and this time I came out with a deeper meaning that we really are blessed by the depression when we turn to God and it will lead you to Heaven or the world to come. Don't look at bipolar depression as a punishment but as a gateway to heaven if you can withstand the pain.