Still in freeze mode
Nobody to hold only to ask Heavenly Father
And I don’t mean only in a unwelcoming way
I so want not to feel anything I am
Squeeze me so tightly that it be the only thing I feel
Where is everyone
Where is the authenticity of the world
I have just but to give
I want the pain to stop
Just stop
Will that only be when I don’t exist on a physical plane
I don’t want to feel anything anymore
Happiness just doesn’t seem to exist
And you may think to yourself but you have little Eva
I do
And happiness exudes from her
She is growing so fast
I can hardly believe my eyes
She will be going through puberty soon
What is wrong with me
I ran around like a chicken without a head
And my body aches like no tomorrow
My back
Hands feet my entire being just hurt so much
It is raining terribly outside
So hard the wind even harder
I’m so broken hearted
So sad and broken
Me