I will not be at the table
All traditions gone
Out the window
I will not take out the ornaments
Each one has a meaning to it
In the box they will remain only to be opened when I’m long gone
It just to painful for ME to even touch them
One by one to remember as it was made given
Ever year a new one put on the tree to be found
I will not
WILL NOT
be at the head of the table
Let them all see there is someone missing
They may not even notice
Wouldn’t that be sad
I will be with my baby sister
Eva myself and my baby sister
I am so saddened by this all
I don’t want to feel anything anymore
It drains me so much
Having to keep a smile on for this child
She is fully aware of my heart and emotions
Empathy she has
Not her job
It’s bad enough I tackle depression
Doom that visits me every single morning
Having to fight it with all I can
Not easy
Heavenly Father I call upon
I ask for him to hold me so tight that it be the only thing I feel
I pray for it to leave my being
Difficult from time to time but I gotta do it daily
Sadness a horrible emotion

Wishing all a happy holiday
Holding on
Me