I do believe everything happens for a reason and that is what I have been telling myself now over and over and over and over and am trying not to understand. I just saw my doctor and we decided that no antidepressants seem to be working on me. I told him sometimes I am not depressed and sometimes reading helps. He knows holidays seasons are hard. this afternoon abby has wanted affection. zeynep and i talked for about an hour and I mostly listened. her life is hard. she has difficult adult children and a very difficult old ex husband.
I will make myself take my medicine and try not to be so self destructive. I am in the mood. I have to take care of my cats. I have to keep on telling myself that. I had to lash out at cecilia. I felt better afterwards than bottling it in. How dare she asked why my voice sounded upset on the phone. f^&k her big time.