I still think you need to be on something. You have not been doing well since you have been off antidepressants. Sometimes you can't tell that they were doing something for you until you stop them. There are more of them out there than Zoloft and Cymbalta. I forget the other one you were taking. I think you need to talk to your pdoc about that tomorrow.

I'm so sorry that you are depressed and in a shitty mood
The holidays are hard. I usually don't do well this time of year either, but I'm distracted, so I guess I'm not really thinking of them this year... a good thing.

You are so generous Bobby