suri is a very special person. Her cancer has a bad prognosis but I think she will make it.
I am very depressed but she helped in one aspect big time.
I have to stop spending. I think I do it because of the depression. right now I have a lot of packages to pick up downstairs. I have been buying tops. I will try not to go to ebay. I also have to figure out how to be happy while still being depressed. The cats have been very affectionate and that has helped but the depression is really bad. I don't know how long the market will continue to go down which is really scary. I am not doing anything about it. I just have to spot spending. I am still itchy. I have so many things to appreciate in my life but they won't cut into the depression. Marci is such a good person. Yesterday CEcilia called. she has a bad cold and once again is afraid of having cancer. I realized she needs me as much as I need her. I just told her she doesn't have cancer but she pushes herself way to much and has to stop. she might not go away today. she does agility class once a week besides attending a lot of trials on weekends outside the city. the agility class alone is two hours each way and an hour for each dog. she can't recover. I told her I would help find another teacher but she says she is paid up til March.
so far the new medication isn't helping and the depression is worse. I am also now ambivalent about getting the new kitty cat. since pudge was given a lion cut and is almost furless she is sleeping with me and abby seems to be less angry at me. I don't think she recognized pudge and thought I brought a new kitty to the house.
I am no longer beating myself up and just realize that I very lonely. I think I will order some chinese food for lunch
merry xmas