You don't have to get into your painful past with the pdoc AT ALL if you don't want to, Bobby. Just talk about your current worries, and reveal only what you what you want to.
And you do NOT have to do therapy. I will not do it either.

If you feel like you did better on Risperdal, I would ask to go back on it. There are few, or no other things, that have seemed to work for you

I'm so sorry that you were feeling like you didn't have a reason to live. Sometimes I get that feeling, too
I'm so glad that you were able to remind yourself of your kitties, your friends in real life, and all your friends here, all of who love you to pieces