I told Corey to call me 1-2 hours before he was going to get home because I had to give Dottie gabapentin to sedate her for the trip to the Humane Society, but when he called, she was under the bed, so I had to drag the poor thing out from under there, and shove the pill down her throat. She forgave me, and laid next to me on the couch for a little while, but when it came time to put her in the carrier to leave, she was under the bed again, so I had to drag her out again. I felt so bad

But I put her on her pillow on the couch next to me instead of in the carrier. I patted her and kissed her little head, and told her how much I loved her, and how sorry I was... I don't know how long I did that for because I was just bawling my eyes out. Corey didn't rush me. He just rubbed my back instead. I slept with a towel Wednesday night so it would have my scent all over it, and put it in the carrier along with her favorite toy. I cried the whole way to the Humane Society.

The girl there was very nice. She asked a lot questions to get information that will be helpful in placing Dottie, and gave me plenty of opportunities to tell her what a little doll she is, and how lucky anyone would be to have her. She said that they place older kitties all the time, but they usually spend more time at the shelter. I was honest about the scratching, but she didn't see that as an issue because they educate parents about trimming their nails short regularly and having plenty of scratching posts (that DOES help). I gave them 2 gabapentin pills so that she won't get sick in her carrier when her new parents take her home. She seemed very optimistic that Dottie will find a good home. I can call to check up on her if I want. I don't know if I can do that.

I just cried the whole time there, cried all the way home, cried off and on when we got home, and I'm crying now. I just can't believe I did that. She's gone and isn't coming back

Then the desk came. The FedEx guy never rang the bell. He just left it up against the door outside. IT'S F'ING HUGE!!! Corey had the hardest time getting it up the stairs and into the apartment, and hurt his back and knee. He was so mad at me for ordering it before the move. He said "I hate you right now," so I got hysterical because I'm selfish, made bad decisions, and it's my fault Dottie's gone and I broke Corey
He tried to reassure me he wasn't broken, and that I made the right decision about the apartment, and maybe Dottie will be happier without the boys beating her up all the time. I asked him to just let me cry, and he said it is good to get it all out, and he rubbed my back some more. He's been very good about all this.

Later, I gave him a Blue Emu massage. I hope he isn't in too much pain today.
The office chair is supposed to arrive tomorrow. I f'ing hope it's not too heavy. He's concerned that having the desk and chair here will drive up our moving costs, but I already told the guy from the moving company that they would be here in boxes, and I thought the desk would be heavy, so I'm not concerned about that.

Buddy didn't come out until after dinner, and when he did, he was weary of me. He was under the bed both times I dragged Dottie out, and I'm sure he's noticed her absence. But he warmed back up to me pretty quickly. Now he's glued to me. He was doing some loud crying this morning tho. He must be missing her


I'm getting my nails done at 12:30. I'm not happy about the time, but Judy wanted to reschedule my appointment from earlier in the week because of the snow. I will be near a U-Haul store, so I will buy some boxes when I'm done.

Yesterday, I packed up the rest of the closet, and I have 2 big bags of clothes to donate. I suppose I will just go around the apartment throwing s- away when I get home today because I don't know what to pack next. It seems like we're still using everything. I have to calm down and come up with a plan of some sort because we're moving in a week, but I feel lost right now.

Corey still hasn't throw anything out. I will tell him if he hasn't thrown anything out by Monday, I'm hiring a junk removal company.