i am presently 24 years old and since, the past 4 months, falling asleep seems to be the toughest thing in this world for me.People all over the world suffer from ordinary insomnia.It is quite common but in case of me, it seems that there might be something more serious about this disorder.
I had been neglecting sleep due to busy life schedule and since the past 2 years,my lifestyle has been quite unhealthy.Staying awake till 2 am in the morning,sleeping less or even no sleep at all, no workout or gym,loss of appetite..it seems that my body lost the natural rhythm to function properly.I do not feel hungry,energetic or fine as before.I can understand my biological clock and cicardian cycles have been affected and i have forced my body to go off the track ..away from how it should normally function.Plus,i am addicted to excess masturbation and porn watching and so much addicted to it that i cannot quit it despite knowing its ill effects and observing them myself.I have brain fog,poor shabby memory, cannot think or plan or take decisions,get confused easily,forgetting all known things that i knew one by one , even i have difficulty in remmbering new things, recognising faces or distinguishing voices of singers.These symptoms have appeared since the past 2 years and i started PMO as a teenager and still cannot get this demon out of me.BUT, i am going to discuss something serious with respect to my sleep
People all over the world suffer from ordinary insomnia.They do not feel sleepy or someone may suffer from excess daytime sleepiness .Sleeping pills may or may not work , but in these cases,the pblm is not feeling sleepy.In my case, the situation is quite ugly and panicing.Now, even if i go to bed early at 11 pm , i cannot sleep.Not only that,the MAIN ISSUE is that even though i feel tired and very sleepy, i cannot fall asleep.When i go to bed and try to sleep,i am just overconscious of the fact that i am trying to sleep or still awake and cannot let go of the things around me which is what a normal person does when he falls asleep.I cannot relax like i used to.Sleep just cannot come and take control of my body like it used to and does for every living being on this earth.Inside me,there is a deep rooted feeling that i have lost that natural inbuilt ability of the brain to switch off and feel that my nerves have become so hyperactive that they cannot detach my consciousness from me during sleep.Previously,sleep was dominant over me meaning it had greater control over me.But, now,alertness seems to be dominant and there is a greater tendency of the body to stay awake.I know my story sounds weird and i shall see a doctor as soon as possible but i came here to discuss this pblm and seek any advices from the people on this forum.
When i try to sleep, i get into the TrANSITION PHASE between sleep and wakefulness ,but from there cannot get into deep sleep.Plus, in my subconscious mind, i have that feeling that my brain cannot switch off as if it has lost that ability and i will never fall asleep again.This overconsciousness has greater control over me and despite feeling sleepy, i cannot doze off.Sometimes,i feel restless, sweat and one or two times, i was almost asleep but then suddenly there were some jerks and i woke up.I feel that i have lost that inbuilt mechanism of nodding off.I have this insomnia since july 2018 but things have got stranger since november.And for the past 4 months,this strange scenario has evolved.
When i discuss these symptoms with others,people say its phobia of insomnia and depression or may be imbalance of neurochemicals in the brain.My father had such pblms when he was in his 40's but he is perfectly ok now.My mother often talks about this kind of situation that occurs to her during afternoon sleep , but at night everything becomes fine.I do not know what is wrong with my nervous system.
i told a doctor about my pblms and he recommended anti anxiety tabs.I have been taking 1/4th of the dose prescribed by him and since the past 3 months,they have worked pretty well except for one or two nights,i have had 7 or 8 hours of sleep almost every night i took the tablet.I take 0.125mg alprazolam and this dose has proved to be quite effective.But, i do not want to rely on this tablet.i want to sleep without it.
When i take the tab, and try to sleep, slowly, my mind is calmed and then i try to think on some other issues apart from sleep.I enter a TRANSITION PHASE from wakefulness to sleep and then,without myself realising it , i fall into sleep.This is exactly the way in which a normal man sleeps.I do not have jerks or restlessness or any other significant phobia related thoughts after taking the medicine.When my insomnia took effect in july 2018, initially i did not need these tablets.Occasionally i used to take them.But, my condition has become poorer in the past 4 months.Now,without the tab, i cannot sleep.In my transition phase between wakefulness to sleep, i cannot enter deep sleep or slowly detach myself from the surroundings.That transition phase slowly breaks down and i remain awake.But,so far taking,the medicine has been quite helpful.The doctor prescribed me 0.50 mg daily but i take 0.125mg.
I have read enough on the net that excess porn watching can cause high dopamine in the braincells which cause alertness and tendency to remain awake.moreover,GABA ,a neurotransmitter that is required for sleep gets depleted,resulting in insomnia.What i fear is that these effects,if they occur for sufficient time,could they cause damage to nerves and kill them !!! I had also read that staying awake at night for many days causes accumulation of proteins in the brain and these kill neurons.Now, i mostly
stay at my house,do not take physical exercise, and spend most of the time on cellphone.Unlike my college days there is no more dynamism in my life.In my family,no one had insomnia or serious troubles due to it.
But,2 weeks ago i came to know of a rare but deadly disorder called FATAL INSOMNIA which has no cure and eventually causes horrific death.Actually,in this disease , the part of the brain called thalamus,which is responsible for sleep degenerates due to accumulation of prions in the nerve cells in thalamus that kills them.So,nerve cells cannot communicate between each other during sleep and the result is that the victim completely loses the ability to sleep qnd ultimately dies.It is believed to be quite progressive and kills within 18 months.Moreover,it can be accompanied by certain other symptoms like dementia,fever,etc.I have observed that for the past few days, i feel feverish internally and there seems to be no apparent reason for this.My body temp stays around 98.6° F and i feel extreme daytime dizziness .Moreover, i feel that the anti anxiety tabs have started to be less effective than what they were before.I wonder whether they will someday stop working fully.I read the story of a person named Michael Corke who died at age 41 of fatal insomnia after getting totally sleep deprived for 6 months and these stories freaked me out!!
In my mind 24×7 , i think of sleep, the symptoms that i have and feel paniced,and cannot concentrate on other vital life activities.I shall go to a sleep doctor certainly but i want some hints from others in this forum whether my insomnia could be early onset of fatal insomnia .may be the storm is just rising??!! i feel very scared.Not a single day, i could fall asleep without 0.125 mg alprazolam,for the past 4 months.
Recently,i observed a change in my beard colour.My beard is black but i found some brown hairs in it which were not present earlier.
What i fear is that,somehow,there have been changes or genetic alterations in my body due to my lifestyle or other factors that have made it more prone to deadly diseases like fatal insomnia or other neurodegenerative disorders! What do u think??,could it indicate something like FATAL INSOMNIA EARLIEST STAGE???