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Old 03-27-2019, 05:26 PM
CRPSinSC CRPSinSC is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: SC
Posts: 44
5 yr Member
CRPSinSC CRPSinSC is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: SC
Posts: 44
5 yr Member
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I 100% agree with Jo*Mar.....vows don't mean staying in an abusive relationship....Period.....
and there is not a But here.....BUT,
We did not realize that we had so many "feelings" going on, and as we all know, they say you take them out on the people closest to you. Both my husband and I were upset....he was upset because he seriously did suffer a loss in that his plans for him and me were shattered now that we had to do things so differently than we had planned before the dx. I, of course, was in pain like never before, battling the anxiety and depression of knowing it wont ever go away, and I, too, had to accept that this forever changed me. Together, we were overwhelmed with our feelings, and not really able to talk about them. Then, he didn't want to mention to me how he felt, as he thought I was already dealing with enough.....after all, I was in the physical pain.....but he was in pain, too.....
What I was trying to say earlier is that before you lose hope in your marriage, talk to your husband and both of you realize that you are both feeling a lot and reacting a lot.....and after a few sessions with a therapist, and learning.....tweeking......how to talk to each other, and that you very much should, because this is BIG....what is happening to the life you thought would go so differently than it actually is.....you may find, as my husband and I did, that you can grieve this loss together, as a team, and grow closer....ultimately.
For us, the anger state went on too long, really, and it got uglier than it should have. We did end up parting for a few weeks, and in that time, we realized we wanted to be together, nomatter how that looked.....and that even if we were angry at the cards life dealt us, we actually loved and needed and wanted each other very much.....So, we opened up the lines of communication, changed out attitudes and outlook and started caring for each other, deeply, actually.....
At the end of this is our marriage, stronger and better than even before the dx. We are close...very close....and pay so much more attention to ourselves and each other.
Dont think this is the end....it's WAY too soon to fret over that......but don't let this abuse and hostility and anger continue to be the undercurrent in your home.....do something about it.....and you may find that when you do, it's all for the better.....further down the road, when all of it comes out and gets unpacked...looked at, and conscious decisions and choices are made.
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"Thanks for this!" says:
full_moons_of_hope (12-27-2019)