I know exactly what you mean.


I remember the crippling fear of the first days. Is it always going to be this hard? Do I have to bite my nails and grind my teeth every waking second? Live with the fear of failing myself and others? Is that even humanly possible?



At the same time there was this resolve - I wish I could tap into that more, but I don't know how to summon it, or where it came from. It was just there.



And then suddenly you are in year 2 or 7 or 10 or 25... and today is nowhere near as hard as those first few. It is, in fact not hard at all, it's glorious indeed.



Unlike some other people. Today exactly a year ago a great musician died, in his 20ties. Addiction played a huge role in that, perhaps the primary one.


Why wasn't he able to tap into that resolve? Or something else, hope, faith, whatever. He knew the same guy that inspired me, I'm sure they talked about it, I'm sure he was offered help. Why couldn't he back away from the edge? I think we may never know. Unless science finds that switch?